Creating a Healthy Lifestyle

Margie states desperately, “I get depressed a lot and it makes it hard for me to relax.  And I can’t put as much time with my four-year-old daughter.  I’m taking medication for depression; it helps a little but then I get depressed again.”

Margie wants to feel better and not be depressed as much as she is.  When she is with her daughter, Carrie, her mind drifts into negative thoughts.  She worries about her life, her husband leaving her, and feels inadequate.  Carrie tries to get her mother’s attention but Margie’s mind is somewhere else.  Her negative feelings and thoughts take over her life.  She thinks about how wonderful her married life was until her husband had an affair and left her.  The loss of her spouse takes a toll on her mental health.  She doesn’t feel like doing any work at home and “forgets’ about her daughter’s needs and wants.  She sees herself as a failure: as a wife and mother.  Margie constantly blames herself.

Negative thoughts can take over your life if you let it happen to you.  The thoughts themselves become the new “reality” for the depressed person.  So it’s important to see the thoughts as just thoughts: not real but only in your mind.  To be sure, these negative thoughts have a basis in reality, from the negative experiences of the past or anxiety about the future.  For Margie, it was her husband’s affair and him leaving her.  She never expected this to happen.  It came as a shock, because she thought she and her husband were happy.

If you are depressed like Margie, or have other types of problems that make you feel depressed, blaming yourself doesn’t help.  It will only make you more depressed.  Instead, take time for yourself in a quiet place and “look” at your thoughts mindfully: focusing on your thoughts and feelings with acceptance.  Focus on these thoughts as they flow through your mind–and then let them slowly flow away like clouds in the sky.  You can focus on one ‘cloud’ at a time as each one passes by.

In cognitive theray, you can practice changing these negative thoughts to more positive or rational ones.

The next thing you can do is to increase your social connections.  Make new friends, and connect with your best friends and family.  If  you have a child, like Margie, connect with her and play with her.  Read interesting stories to your child.  Enjoy being with her.  Social connections inside and outside of the family are therapeutic.

I discuss meditation, mindfulness, and depression in my book, Create a Healthy Lifestyle.  Since depression, or even sad feelings, are pervasive in our family and society, I think it’s an important mental health issue.  So it’s important to support and connect with one another.