Being a Loving and Effective Parent by Michael A. Panar
March 13, 2013
One couple says, We’re going to have our first child and we would like to be very good parents. How can we help our child? We hear so much about problems that kids have, and we don’t want to have kids with those kind of problems.
If you are like this couple, you’re well on your way of becoming good parents. The commitment to be a parent is the first step towards being effective parents. It’s also a good sign when you are both talking about it. Many parents come together, have a child, and just hope that everything will fall into place. Unfortunately, it’s not as simple as that. Good parenting doesn’t come naturally.
The Model of Discipline and Love
The first step is to use an effective parenting model. You would want a model that provides discipline and love. Both of these components must always go together. Love without discipline doesn’t work, except when the child is behaving well; but discipline without love always fails. So you want to combine discipline with love, and communicate it clearly to the child. Sometimes you may want to express love, exclusively, without discipline. These are the times when everything is going well, the child is behaving, and you want to express loving messages to the child. You can express love with or without words during these times.
At other times the child may be misbehaving. Of course you will have to be aware of the child’s age, and what is ‘good’ or ‘bad’ behavior for the child’s age and development. During the times when the child is not behaving well, you need to combine discipline and love: Give the appropriate discipline while also letting your child know that he/she is still loved. However, you have to make sure the child received the ‘message’ of love along with the discipline. Don’t assume the child received this message. Note how the child responds to the discipline and make sure she/he got the message.
Use Appropriate Discipline
Always use appropriate discipline. Although many parents spank their child, this is not recommended because it only has short-term effects. In the long-run it’s very ineffective. It can also ‘teach’ a child to be violent. This is a side-effect you would want to avoid. So use techniques such as: rewarding a child for good behavior or withdrawing things the child really wants, when misbehaving.
Effects in Later Development
The effects of childhood on later development are discussed in my book, Create a Healthy lifestyle: “Secrets” of Health and Happiness. How your parents disciplined you during your own childhood still has an effect on you throughout life. But you may not always be aware of how it affected you. When you are aware of this impact on your own childhood, it will help you to be a loving and effective parent to your own child.
With all of the problems and challenges of life, as well as various issues that occur almost daily, people are not getting enough sleep. You may try to sleep in various ways: taking medication or just trying again to sleep. But you still don’t get the healthy, deep sleep that you need. Your dreams may be active and unsettling. You may experience nightmares, or a disturbing dream may wake you up. In any event, you’re not able to sleep deeply enough to feel energetic the next day.
It’s also important to sleep at least seven to eight hours every night. If you schedule about the same time each night to sleep it will be easier to get the optimal amount. Recent studies also are beginning to show that getting seven or eight hours of sleep may ward off certain diseases, such as cancer. Healthy hormones will be released through the body.
Of course you need to get a good bed and mattress, which will make you feel comfortable. But to have a healthy sleep you need to take away the distractions that work against a good sleep. You don’t want to medicate yourself unless it’s really necessary. So don’t let medication be your first choice. Medication can help you to sleep, but you will become dependent on the medecine to give you this relief. Medication also has side-effects that you may be allergic to. It is better to find other solutions to a good-night sleep the natural way, which will be healthier.
A good-night sleep is an important part of helping your body and mind to become more healthy, and you will fill better about yourself. You will look forward to the new day with more energy and vigor. I will begin to discuss healthy ways to improve your sleep. This article can supplement my book, Create a Healthy Lifestyle, on a holistic approach to health that explains other ways to enhance physical and mental health:
How to Sleep Well and Feel Vibrant in the Morning
The first step is to reduce, as much as possible, the stress during the day. If you have various problems during the day-time hours, you need to resolve these issues and feel satisfied with your solutions. If you can’t resolve the problems that day, set another time and day for them. Tell yourself: “These can wait for another day.” Be satisfied with your self-talk and put the problem aside.
Any other unresolved issues or disappointments need to be tabled for another time. If you continue to worry about something it will interrupt your composure, and will come into your dreams in a distorted way. This particularly occurs during your light sleep– and as you get more light sleep you will have more vivid, and sometimes more disturbing dreams. When you are dreaming, you’re not getting the deep sleep that you desperately need.
It is vital, therefore, to feel at ease during the night and not occupy yourself with the problems and issues of the day. If you have problems in your relationships, resolve these problems with the partner, spouse, friends, family members and others–or agree to work on unresolved issues on another day. This will further help you to feel relaxed before going to sleep.
Activate the Parasympathetic Nervous System
The second step is to activate the Parasympathetic Nervous System, a part of the Autonomic Nervous System, that calms your whole being, slows your heart beat, and helps produce relaxing hormones in your body. By contrast, in times of stress the Sympathetic Nervous System, also a part of the Autonomic Nervous System, needs to be de-activated before sleep. If it is still in “high gear” stress hormones are produced, the heart beat increases at a rapid pace, and your body feels stressed out.
You can easily activate the Parasympathetic Nervous System by letting go of stress and practice meditation and mindfulness. Take a moment to be in a quiet place, breathe deeply, inhaling through your belly and exhaling slowly. Repeat for a few minutes. Open your eyes and feel relaxed. Repeat this practice while focusing intentionally on your breath, breathing in and out. As you focus on your breath, all other thoughts flow away like dark clouds in the sky. Now you only have your breath to focus on. You may choose other mindfulness practices, but this is a good start.
When you are in bed do the breathing and mindfulness practice. Let distracting or disturbing thoughts flow away, and ‘watch’ them flow away in your mind. Your mind feels calm and relaxed. It is good to go to sleep about the same time each night and get up around the same time. Now you are ready to have a good night sleep, and you will look forward to the morning.