Toward a Healthier Life as We Age
November 28, 2012
Aging begins at birth and continues through the later years. But we don’t usually think of aging during the younger years. It is only during middle age that we are aware of our own aging, such as the unwanted changes in our skin and loss of hair. As we look into the mirror we become more cognizant of our own aging. But even as we see the changes, we deny it to ourselves by using various kinds of makeup and moisturizers. As we look for all of the changes that seem to occur quite frequently during this time, we desperately search for a ‘solution.’
Therefore, it seems that we are continuing to search for the elusive “fountain of youth.” It is a fantasy that seems to be the miraculous cure for our aging bodies. So we try a variety of ways to hopefully eliminate or at least disguise the reality of aging. At the extreme end, we may take botox or have plastic surgery. Or, at the least, we take all kinds of supplements to forestall or ‘stop’ the aging process. But no matter what we do, evidence of aging continues to haunt us. We may conceal it for awhile. However, as we look at ourselves and our reduced energies, the reality is not pleasant.
In spite of all of these fears and anxieties about aging, we can reframe our thinking about aging. As we get older we can continue to be healthy. As we become healthier, we will achieve a more positive view of aging. It doesn’t have to be an inevitable decline, but rather, a continuing growth to a healthy life. We will be more satisfied with our life and actually look forward to getting older.
There are many things we can do to age healthily, and feel better about ourselves:
Exercise
The first step is to exercise intensely for about thirty minutes a day. Make sure you combine aerobic and weight-lifting as an important part of your program. Exercise will improve the circulation of blood and give you a healthy heart and brain. You will also feel good and refreshed after exercising. Of course, consult with your physician if you have a physical condition. Do the best that you can, and increase the intensity of the exercise as you are able.
Stimulate the Mind
Stimulating the mind will make your brain healthier. Nerve cells or neurons will continue to grow, even as you grow older. You may be able to prevent or delay the onset of Alzeimer’s disease or other types of dementia. Your brain will continue to ‘grow’ as you age. You also will have a better self-image and self-esteem.
Discover New Projects
You don’t have to do the same things as you grow older. There can be new projects and possibilities. Try something new that you’ve never done before. Find a new hobby that you enjoy. Go back to school. Do a creative art project or write a book. The possibilities are limitless, but it has to be an interesting and stimulating activity that you will enjoy.
Practice Mindfulness
Although meditation and mindfulness is important at all ages, during the later years it is even more essential to practice mindfulness in all of the things that you do. Mindfulness is focusing on your experiences with acceptance and without expectations. Judgment is suspended, and you can perceive anything from moment-to-moment. You can get a more clear view of the reality around you, whether it is a relationship, object, or the beauty of nature. It is difficult at first, but with practice you will become more skillful with the ‘art’ of mindfulness.
I discuss “healthy aging” in a chapter of my latest book, “Create a Healthy Lifestyle: ‘Secrets’ of Health and Happiness.” I explain in further detail the path towards healthy aging, with some case examples. The crucial point is that you can become healthier as you grow older, beginning at Middle Age through the older years. But it’s important to begin today, no matter what your age is today. Enjoy the journey!
Resolving Distress Helps You To Enhance Your Self
November 16, 2012
Stephanie asks, “I’ve tried to meditate or relax but it’s hard for me. I have a lot of stress at work, and my two teenage kids drive me crazy. My husband works a lot and he’s not too supportive. How can I relax with all of this stress?”
Stephanie is overwhelmed with the ‘bad’ stress that she experiences every day. As she continued to talk about her problems, tears began to flow down her cheeks. “I don’t know where to start. There are too many things to worry about.”
After attending a few counseling sessions. Stephanie decided to talk with her husband, Joe. “I don’t know if you know what I’ve been going through for the last year, but I need your support, Joe. I wish you could help me with the kids, because they are getting out of control. They don’t listen to me.” Stephanie pleaded with him while tears flowed profusely from her eyes.”
Joe was taken aback, as if he didn’t know there was a problem. He had been so involved with his job at the department store where he worked that he never recognized what Stephanie was going through. But then he said, in a gentle and caring way, “I’m sorry that I didn’t know that you were having a hard time. I guess I thought you were strong and didn’t need my help. But I guess I was wrong!”
Stephanie was relieved that Joe understood her feelings and the stresses that she was going through. She was grateful that Joe cared about her feelings.
This was a new beginning for this couple. Joe was ready to take more responsibility at home. And he was able to talk to the children and set reasonable rules. This relieved a lot of stress for Stephanie. She felt more in control of her life and was now able to relax and meditate. After six months, Stephanie seemed happy with her sparkling smile. She said, happily: “I feel very relaxed today. The kids are even listening to me more than they ever did!” Now, Stephanie will be able to enhance herself in a way she’s never done before.
In one Chapter of my book, Create a Healthy Lifestyle, I discuss the importance of self-esteem and enhancing the self. In Stephanie’s case, she needed to resolve the distress at home before she could work on herself. As she felt more in control of her life– and have a better relationship with Joe–she would be able to work on her “self.” It will be easier for her to relax and feel at peace.
Essentially, it’s important to resolve the problems and stressors around you at home or at work. Then you will be able to enhance your self. Eventually, you will be able to be mindfully aware of the experiences in your life. Meditation will be easier, and you’ll be on your way towards a “healthy lifestyle.”
Discover a New “You” and Become More Resilient
November 5, 2012
Stacie says, “I would like to have a better relationship, but every time I’m serious with a man it falls apart. How could I have a good relationship with someone?
Stacie just turned twenty-two and she doesn’t feel good about herself. She says, “I never thought much about myself. I wanted to go to college but I never tried. I’m working as a waitress, but I don’t find it satisfying. I have to work or I wouldn’t have any money to live on.” Stacie’s early experiences were also disappointing: “I always felt excluded in my family. I felt my sister had anything she wanted. And recently my last three relationships didn’t work. I always blamed myself when things didn’t work out for me.”
Stacie’s experience of failure occurred through her childhood and adolescence. She had more negative than positive experiences. These experiences affected her self-esteem and resilience. Each bad experience was devastating for her. And she blamed herself when things didn’t work out like she wanted. Each failure made it more likely that she would fail again. Each failure negatively reinforced her feelings that nothing would work. This caused her to be depressed, and she blamed herself for her failures. This set her up for further failures, and an increasing loss of resilience.
If you have similar problems, like Stacie, you would need to work on these issues that stopped you from moving on, or coping with negative experiences in life. Each failure can reinforce your feelings of hopelessness, or blaming yourself for any failures you may encounter. Even small failures may be magnified and make you feel that you will ‘fail’ again. Resilience will continue to spiral downward. It will become a vicious cycle of ‘failure,’ self-blame, and more sadness.
Stacy withdrew in a depressive state of hopelessness. This changed the chemistry of her brain–and stress hormones over-flowed in her body. She would get tired easily and couldn’t do any physical exercises. She couldn’t do anything at home, and was unable to concentrate when she tried to sit down and read. Her thoughts were replete with self-pity and helplessness.
If you are in a similar situation, it is important to confront your negative thoughts and emotions. This may be difficult to do on your own. You may need to talk with a supportive counselor who can help you sort through the negative thoughts and feelings.
Some of you may be able to tackle this problem on your own. You can read my book, “Create a Healthy Lifestyle” that helps you to be healthy and happy in a holistic way. Focus on how you feel about yourself, and the source of those inadequate feelings about self. Take care of your physical and spiritual health. And discover some of the positive and satifying things you can do today. Change will not come quickly. The negative thoughts and feelings will keep trying to intrude on your mind and perceptions. But continue to do the “baby steps” of working on each thought at a time. Gradually you will feel better about yourself and be motivated to do things you couldn’t do when you were depressed such as: getting into a new relationship, going to college, pursuing the things you always wanted to do, and enjoying the wonderful things in life.
As you become less depressed, or sad, you will discover a new “you.” You will become more resilient and able to cope with the difficult challenges that life may give you. Your resilience will continue to grow. Life will be more rewarding.