Creating a Healthy Lifestyle

Stacie says, “I would like to have a better relationship, but every time I’m serious with a man it falls apart.  How could I have a good relationship with someone?

Stacie just turned twenty-two and she doesn’t feel good about herself.  She says, “I never thought much about myself.  I wanted to go to college but I never tried.  I’m working as a waitress, but I don’t find it satisfying.  I have to work or I wouldn’t have any money to live on.”  Stacie’s early experiences were also disappointing: “I always felt excluded in my family.  I felt my sister had anything she wanted.  And recently my last three relationships didn’t work.  I always blamed myself when things didn’t work out for me.”

Stacie’s experience of failure occurred through her childhood and adolescence.  She had more negative than positive experiences.  These experiences affected her self-esteem and resilience.  Each bad experience was devastating for her.  And she blamed herself when things didn’t work out like she wanted.  Each failure made it more likely that she would fail again.  Each failure negatively reinforced her feelings that nothing would work.  This caused her to be depressed, and she blamed herself for her failures.  This set her up for further failures, and an increasing loss of resilience.

If you have similar problems, like Stacie, you would need to work on these issues that stopped you from moving on, or coping with negative experiences in life.  Each failure can reinforce your feelings of hopelessness, or blaming yourself for any failures you may encounter.  Even small failures may be magnified and make you feel that you will ‘fail’ again.  Resilience will continue to spiral downward.  It will become a vicious cycle of ‘failure,’ self-blame, and more sadness.

Stacy withdrew in a depressive state of hopelessness.  This changed the chemistry of her brain–and stress hormones over-flowed in her body.  She would get tired easily and couldn’t do any physical exercises.  She couldn’t do anything at home, and was unable to concentrate when she tried to sit down and read.  Her thoughts were replete with self-pity and helplessness.

If  you are in a similar situation, it is important to confront your negative thoughts and emotions.  This may be difficult to do on your own.  You may need to talk with a supportive counselor who can help you sort through the negative thoughts and feelings.

Some of you may be able to tackle this problem on your own.  You can read my book, “Create a Healthy Lifestyle” that helps you to be healthy and happy in a holistic way.  Focus on how you feel about yourself, and the source of those inadequate feelings about self.  Take care of your physical and spiritual health.  And discover some of the positive and satifying things you can do today.  Change will not come quickly.  The negative thoughts and feelings will keep trying to intrude on your mind and perceptions.  But continue to do the “baby steps” of working on each thought at a time.  Gradually you will feel better about yourself and be motivated to do things you couldn’t do when you were depressed such as: getting into a new relationship, going to college, pursuing the things you always wanted to do, and enjoying the wonderful things in life.

As you become less depressed, or sad, you will discover a new “you.” You will become more resilient and able to cope with the difficult challenges that life may give you.  Your resilience will continue to grow.  Life will be more rewarding.