Creating a Healthy Lifestyle

The child needs to trust a parent or a primary caretaker from birth to about one-years-old. But it’s not met unless the parent is consistent in loving and taking taking care of the child’s needs. This love the parent gives to the infant needs to be an unconditional love. Essentially the need for secure attachment begins in infancy.

As the parent provides for the physical needs of the child (breast feeding and providing for other needs) the parent provides love in various ways: loving gestures, touch, smiles, and singing to the child.

Touch is a basic way of providing love in tangible ways. Embracing the infant, and gently touching her (him) is a salient expression of love:

When the infant experiences these loving expressions, she begins to feel free to explore the world around her. When she feels the need to have loving contact she readily comes back to the parent.  Receiving love becomes a part of the child’s self and feelings of acceptance.

Developing basic trust is only the beginning of a child’s inner security.  Social psychologist, Erik Erickson, set this first development from birth to about two years of age. But the individual, through adulthood, struggles with this basic need. Therefore the benefits of trust and the need for it continues through the development of the individual. As the individual feels that he or she can trust, there is the mastery of hope. Hope is a positive feeling that helps the individual to continue to explore and then to come back to a loving relationship.

Trust when School Begins

As the child reaches other developmental milestones, she still needs to know that she is loved. During the preschool years, she needs the assurance that the parent will never falter in the rendering of trust.

When the child begins school, she needs the reassurance of a loving, accepting parent even more. The child meets other children and needs to be able to communicate with peers. The trust that she feels will carry over into her peer relationships and she will be able to take risks and accept friendship from others. Her inner confidence will be apparent and she will be able  to be friendly and open to new friendships. She will be sociable and be willing to explore new friendships. She will feel confident in herself and in other’s.

The school-age child needs to be able to trust in all of the areas of his or her life. This includes being able to be aware of the parents continuing, unconditional love. She will be confident that she can always return to her parents for love and support. Even during difficult times she will be able to trust the parents–that they will always be there for her. These positive feelings will give the child trust and hope.

Trust in Adolescence

The need to trust is carried over into adolescence, when the teen needs to further explore the ‘outside’ world. Peer groups become even more important for the teen. The need to be accepted by others is paramount and close friendships help to build self-esteem. It is important at this time to bond with at least one or two close friends. Feeling accepted by others is salient at this time. Acceptance will enhance the teen’s self-image and self-worth. Basic trust needs to be crystalized before the teen can form a more ‘solid’ identity.

The teen still needs the love and support from his or her parents. Secure attachment must continue through adolescence. Parents are still important. The teen will always feel confident that the parents will always be there when needed–and at the same time being comfortable in going back to his or her friends and other peers. There is a ‘back-and-forth’ movement from home to peers, and peers to home. As long as the teen has this basic trust there will be optimal development. The teen will feel a sense of hope and confidence, and will more easily find a healthy identity.

 Entering Young Adulthood

Beginning around eighteen-years-old the teenager is ready to enter into a new stage of life: adulthood.  It may begin with college or entering the job market. Young adulthood is in the twenties and  thirties, until the middle years of the forties and fifties. But each person may perceive the stage of their life in different way.

If all goes well, and the individual achieved a sense of trust and hope, he or she will be ready for the daunting tasks of adulthood: Establishing a family, which may include children coming into the home; getting a good job; financial security; and having a successful marriage and family relationship.

TRUST IN ADULTHOOD

 Jane and Allen had a beautiful wedding and now were planning their life together, but the couple couldn’t trust each other. Their relationship began with love and passion, and they were happy during the first year of their marriage. However, beginning in the second year of their marriage they became distant from each other. The romance and passion seemed to be gone. They didn’t have those romantic feelings anymore. Jane was pregnant with their first child, but Allen wasn’t excited about it. Jane seemed to distance herself from him and there was an unpleasant silence in the home.

Jane and Allen didn’t argue with each other, but the “trust’ that they did have for each other wasn’t there. In other cases the lack of trust expresses anger, bitterness and jealousy. Distrust can express itself in various ways. In these situations there is a lot of anger, jealousy, and even violence.

In still other cases the individual may have problems in trusting another. The person may have difficulty in forming friendships. He or she may feel insecure and not confident in pursuing goals, assertiveness, and getting into intimate relationships.

In essence, the adult needs to continue to have healthy relationships through adulthood. The basic trust that was formed in the earlier years of life needs to be reinforce through adulthood and older age. It doesn’t stop in infancy, childhood or adolescence. Trust needs to be nurtured through a lifetime.