I begin this discussion with case examples of stress or distress with the goal of increasing your happiness and quality of life. All things can change for the better if we live in the moments of life, with the goal of reducing the problems that can occur from moment-to-moment.
Once you have clearly and objectively Identified the source of your distress, the next step is to pave the way towards a better quality of life and happiness. Think of this as a journey that may take time and patience to achieve. Let’s begin:
Examples of Stressful Situations
Sally is under a lot of stress. She and Jerry had a good relationship six years ago when they married. But now she’s not happy andcan’t talk to Jerry about anything. When she expresses her feelings he doesn’t want to listen, which is frustrating for her. She says things are getting worse and feels like giving up.
In another case, Tim recently lost his job and can’t find a job that he enjoys. He has to find something just to survive. He worries constantly about his self-worth and the fear of not surviving the loss.
In a third case, Ben and his wife, Beth, argue a lot and it seems never-ending. The conflict is escalating and things don’t seem to be getting better. They seem to be trapped in their conflict and there isn’t a way out.
In an individual case, Marie is often depressed and her thoughts wander in hopelessness. It is difficult for Marie to be in a healthy relationship because of her chronic depression, which prevents her from meeting anyone who can give her love and comfort. In Finally, Joan is bipolar and isn’t happy with her life. She becomes over-excited and at other time depressed. Relationships are a problem since no one knows what to expect from her. Her relationships usually breakup or are in constant turmoil.
These are just a few examples of the unhappiness and discontent that occur in the daily life of many people. It almost seems like a ‘normal’ part of life. One can’t imagine life without problems or even turmoil. You can probably think about many things that occur daily that doesn’t make you happy– or even are frustrating or upsetting. It also may be problems in your relationships. In either case, it can cause you stress or discontent. It can affect your inner contentment and peace.
The Path to Inner Contentment and Happiness.
Be aware of your discontent
The first step is to look within yourself and discern what is bothering you. What are you unhappy about? Is it your thoughts or feelings? Or does it come from the outside, in your relationships with others– or with some unfortunate event in your life? Or it may be both from the inside and outside. Whatever it may be, it’s important to identify the source of your discontent.
To understand what is really bothering you it is important to be in a quiet place without distractions. Allow your mind to focus on these thoughts, with calmness. Prioritize the three most important things that you feel are causing your distress or unhappiness.
Once you have identified the cause of your discontent or unhappiness, it is important to focus your attention and awareness on those things that bothered you or were stressful. You need to see them clearly in your mind’s eye. Focus on all of the reasons for your discontent, with acceptance and without judgment of them. Observe them in the mind’s eye until you are completely aware of them. Then let them go, gently.
After you’ve done that, turn to the thoughts in your mind that made you ‘see’ these things as stressful, troublesome, or terrible. Focus on these thoughts clearly and with complete acceptance. Watch them float in your mind and look at them clearly. Turn these thoughts into a metaphor of a leaf or bubble. Let them float away or fade away as you watch them pass through your mind’s ‘eye.’ Focus your attention on these thoughts as they come and go, and then eventually dissipate into oblivion.
Watch the rising and falling of your breath after your mind is clear of the unhealthy clutter that you just witnessed. Now focus on only the breath for ten minutes with no thoughts present, but only your breath.
Nurture Healthy Relationships
Healthy relationships help create inner contentment and happiness. Indeed, healthy relationships and happiness often go together: To be completely content and happy you need to be in healthy relationships. Healthy relationships also bring contentment. In my book, Create a Healthy Lifestyle, I discuss healthy relationships as crucial to a healthy “social self” and how the self needs to be in balance with mind, body and spirit. www.michaelpanar.com
Furthermore, Michael B. Frisch states in his book, “Quality of Life Therapy,” that happiness may be like a salad or a stew with different ingredients for different people. But life satisfaction is a key to happiness, and a healthy relationship is an important ingredient.
But what is a healthy relationship? This is a relationship that grows and matures. It consists of a couple (or friend) who really listens to the other. The partners always listen to the feelings and needs of the other. Love continues to grow in the relationship. Empathy and compassion for self and the other are cornerstones of this relationship. Partners are able to change for the better through the years, and they are resilient enough to strengthen their connection with each other even after struggles, crises or challenges. Partners in a healthy relationship are spiritual, and focus on the ‘possibilities’ in life and in their relationship
Conclusion
Quality of Life
It isn’t easy to have a “quality of life” that is satisfying and intrinsically rewarding. There will always be problems in life. Things won’t always go the way you would like. There will be problems in relationships over time. And there will be frustrations and disappointments over the course of life. There will be disabilities, or problems with you or your loved one’s health. We will all face losses over the course of time. But in spite of the uncertainties or difficulties in life, cultivating a “quality of life” will be rewarding and satisfying; it will make it easier to go through the challenges that will come your way. Begin today to reduce stress and enhance the quality of your life.