Prevent the “Winter Blues” during this Time of the Year
December 16, 2014
As the holidays arrive and Winter is upon us, you, or someone you know may become depressed or feel a lot of pressure. There are many types of stressors during this time of the year: You may feel a lot of pressure shopping or in buying holiday gifts. There may be more stress from certain people during this time.
Expectations from others is at an all time high. Peoples’ moods may go up and down. Relationships may end or be in constant conflict. There are a myriad of problems that may arise such as financial problems, high expectations, deciding what to buy, and financial stress.
Stress from Others
The people that you thought were supportive and understanding become more difficult and annoying. You would like to please them but find it impossible. The stress you feel becomes exacerbated and there seems to be no solution. If you have a supportive and loving relationship at this time it will help ameliorate the problem. This person can be your main support at this time, and prevent you from going deeper and deeper in the “cage” of stress. Supportive relationships with caring and loving people can become a vital antidote for stress or depression. So it is important to cultivate these relationships, and be equally supportive to the other.
Self-Esteem
Your own self-image is important at this time. Taking care of yourself by eating healthy foods and exercising will ward off the ills of stress. Giving yourself positive affirmations is an important practice at this time. Feeling grateful for what you have in life will allay some of the stress that you may feel. Even when you don’t feel any stress at the moment it is helpful to feel good about yourself. But if your self-esteem is not where you want it to be, you can cultivate it by taking care of your body and mind.
Practice Meditation in the Midst of Stress
Taking care of children can also be stressful at this time. Be aware of your child’s needs, and be especially understanding of the child’s feelings and emotions. Don’t take misbehavior seriously and try to understand the child. Even though it may be difficult, reading and playing with your child or grandchild can be very rewarding. It can relieve your stress, even the many stresses that can occur during the Winter Blues.
There is also a tendency to spend a lot during this time. There is the stress of shopping, spending and thinking of what to buy for loved ones, family and friends. The higher your expectations, the more stress you will feel. Even gift buying can increase stress and stimulate the endocrine glands in producing more stress hormones, such as adrenaline and cortisol. This is a time relax and meditate to calm your body and mind:
It is time to take a break from the busy season. You would need to spend time in silence to reflect and meditate. Practice focusing on an object of your choice. It could be a candle, a lovely picture, or a relaxing image that you visualize in your mind. Or it can be your own breath, breathing in and out: The rising and falling of each breath. All you need to do is focus your attention on your breath and letting all thoughts and feelings go. But to focus your attention on an object or your breath you would need to make the intention of doing it. Meditate at least ten to fifteen minutes a day, and when you feel tension from stress. Preventing stress through regular meditation in a quiet space is the optimal goal.
It is important to mention that meditation has positive, health effects. Besides relieving stress and anxiety it has healthy effects on the body. Healthy hormones are produced such as oxytocin. It may even slow down aging as the telomeres, the strands on the chromosomes, are prevented from shrinking. You will also feel relaxed and at ease. It is especially beneficial during the stressful season of the Winter Blues.
There is another cause of the “Winter Blues” that need to be mentioned:
Seasonal Affective Disorder
Some people are more depressed during the Fall and Winter seasons, just because of being sensitive to the weather. In these cases it is the weather itself that causes mood disorders, and the person usually is affected for at least two or more years. These mood disorders can result in major depression, or rarely, even bipolar disorder. Usually depression is more prevalent, and people who live in the colder climates are more prone to Seasonal Affective Disorder. But it can occur in any area where there is a harsh Winter.
It should be remembered that there needs to be a clear seasonal cause. So we need to eliminate other causes of the “Winter Blues” before we can discern whether it is SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder).
Conclusion
It is important to be clearly aware of your feelings during late Autumn and through the Winter months. It is also vital to relax and meditate during these times, and not expect a lot. Most of you will be having Holidays during this time of the year and you would want to have reasonable expectations. The more you relax and reflect, the more it will be easier to prevent the “blues.” Enjoy time with family and friends. Relish the quiet moments during the days and reflect. Don’t let the Seasons affect you. Life doesn’t have to be hectic. You have the power to make it a positive time of the year.
Avoidance is harmful to the Relationship by Michael A. Panar
December 2, 2014
Jack’s father, Daniel, tended to avoid relationships in the family. He always wanted attention from his father but his father never responded to his needs. He felt rejected, and didn’t feel his father really cared for him . He continued to seek his father’s attention, but his dad rarely responded to his needs.
Dan (Jack’s dad) did associate with others outside of the family. He would join his friends at night, and would try to get their attention. He usually called attention to himself, and wanted his friends to see him as a superior person. Dan would ‘enhance’ himself in front of his close friends, which usually got their attention. He was elated when he got his friends’ attention. But when he returned home he became his usual self: He never talked much and wanted to be alone in his ‘workshop.’
Jack’s mother, Diane, wanted more affection from her husband to no avail. When she approached him he would turn away and go back to his workshop. She was disappointed but never said anything. There was an eerie silence in the room. Jack was unhappy for his mother. He wanted her to be happy. But her depression worsened to the point that she became non-responsive to her son’s emotional needs.
Years Later
When Jack became an adult he had problems in his relationships and in dating women. He couldn’t relate with the opposite sex no matter how much he tried. When he met a woman whom he was a attracted to, he had trouble expressing his feelings to her. The couple dated for a year but things got worse. Barbara expressed her feelings to Jack, but he was indifferent to her feelings. It was a one-sided relationship where she tried hard to get him to talk to her, but he only said a few words. Eventually she became frustrated and told Jack she wasn’t interested in him anymore. Jack was devastated when Barbara broke up with him, but eventually he went back to his usual behavioral patterns.
Jack continued to be unsuccessful in his relationships with women. Even if he would eventually marry, he thought, the love of his life would eventually end up like his mother–an unhappy wife and mother. He didn’t want that for anyone, but he still hoped that some day he would find someone to love and be happy with.
The Dismissive, Avoidant Personality
Although Jack resented his father’s rejection of him and his mother, he wanted his father’s attention and love. He craved for his father’s love, and felt sorry for his mother. He admired his father in other ways: His dad was a hard worker and was good with his hands. He could build furniture and other things. But he didn’t get the love that he needed from his father. He felt rejected and sad about it.
Conclusion
As Jack approached adulthood he was not successful in dating women, and when he met Barbara he couldn’t express his feelings openly. Instead, he would become dismissive and not pay attention to her needs and feelings. Barbara was not happy in the relationship. She wanted a man who would listen to her needs and feelings. She wanted a man who cared for her. But Jack was unable to listen to her feelings. He tried, but couldn’t do it. Barbara had enough of this neglect and broke off with him. Jack felt rejected but seemed to be unaware of the reason for her departure. He went out with other women after his first date, but his problem of dismissiveness and avoidance continued in these relationships.
Is there hope for Jack? Yes there is hope, but Jack would have to try harder to be responsive to the feelings of another. In his childhood and adolescence he had a dismissive, avoidant father who hardly paid attention to him. He was also negatively affected by his mother’s unhappiness and eventual depression. If he doesn’t make any effort to change his avoidant stance, he will replicate his father’s behavior in his own relationship. He, too, will become a dismissive, avoidant husband. And this can be carried over into generations to come.
But there is good news: A person, like Jack, can change when one is aware of the negative effects of childhood. It will take work to change, and probably counseling or therapy, but it will be well worth it. You don’t have to be a ‘victim’ of the past. Change is possible.