Creating a Healthy Lifestyle

Jenny and Tim met on a train a while back, and they were very attracted to each other.  Jenny says,” The first time we met I thought I found my soul mate, but after being together for two years I’m losing my attraction to Tim.  But I feel I still love him. I don’t understand where our relationship is going.”

“I feel the same way,” Tim said, while hesitating in a few words.

Both Jenny and Tim are discovering problems early in their relationship. They are not happy with each other, and don’t feel as attracted to each other.  With this revelation there is the opportunity to do something about it and try to make things more satisfying for each other.

Most couples, however, don’t discover problems until years later, or after they’ve been married for years. Then they are shocked and overwhelmed when they discover that they don’t ‘know’ each other anymore. They discover that they are ‘strangers’ in the same house, or are very angry and even hostile towards each other. This new discovery is not pleasant and is stressful. It can affect one’s health and well-being.  It can end up in depression, distress, or other emotional problems. It can lead to continuous fighting, ending in separation or divorce.

Of course it’s not healthy to let conflicts fester over the years after many quarrels, or withdrawals from each other.  These conflicts only escalate until they become emotional or mental problems, hurting both individuals in different ways.

Beginning a Partnership

If you are in Jenny and Tim’s situation it is still early enough to form a partnership, if there is a mutual commitment to make it happen. In this case, both Jenny and Tim still have some unexpressed feelings for each other, which gave them the incentive to do something about it. “We decided to do more things together, like going on more dates with each other. We also started to talk with each other about what’s bothering us, or what we would like in our relationship.”

Tim said happily,  “I’m glad Jenny wants to give me another chance. We both still care for each other.”

For Jenny and Tim, they’ve made a commitment to make their relationship more satisfying for each other. Both partners are committed to create new ‘stories’ for their new life together. As they continue to do this, they will form a partnership that is mutually satisfying.

Creating a Partnership Later-on

It’s never too late, however, to create a partnership that can be mutually satisfying for each other.  Although you may have had problems over the years in your marriage or relationship, you can still form a new partnership with each other.  But it still requires a mutual commitment to want to have a partnership that is mutually satisfying.  Thus communication and learning the ‘art of listening’ is important for positive change to occur.

Depending on the type of problems you are having (resentments, anger, or avoidance, for example) you both must work on these issues and try to resolve them.  Once these issues are sufficiently resolved, you are ready for the next step: Talking with each other about what type of relationship you want with each other.  Now you are in the process of creating new stories or narratives for your relationship, such as: the type of relationship you want, the things you like to do together, the kind of dates you want to have, and other new ‘stories’ you would like to have as a part of your ‘partnership.’

The secret of a happy relationship is being able to form new mutually satisfying ‘stories’ that you both want to share with each other. As you construct these new mutually satisfying narratives (stories), the love you have for each other will emerge, grow, radiate, and become even better than it was before.