Creating a Healthy Lifestyle

One couple says, We’re going to have our first child and we would like to be very good parents.  How can we help our child? We hear so much about problems that kids have, and we don’t want to have kids with those kind of  problems.

If you are like this couple, you’re well on your way of becoming good parents. The commitment to be a parent is the first step towards being effective parents. It’s also a good sign when you are both talking about it. Many parents come together, have a child, and just hope that everything will fall into place. Unfortunately, it’s not as simple as that. Good parenting doesn’t come naturally.

The Model of Discipline and Love

The first step is to use an effective parenting model. You would want a model that provides discipline and love.  Both of these components must always go together. Love without discipline doesn’t work, except when the child is behaving well; but discipline without love always fails. So you want to combine discipline with love, and communicate it clearly to the child. Sometimes you may want to express love, exclusively, without discipline. These are the times when everything is going well, the child is behaving, and you want to express loving messages to the child. You can express love with or without words during these times.

At other times the child may be misbehaving. Of course you will have to be aware of the child’s age, and what is ‘good’ or ‘bad’ behavior for the child’s age and development. During the times when the child is not behaving well, you need to combine discipline and love: Give the appropriate discipline while also letting your child know that he/she is still loved. However, you have to make sure the child received the ‘message’ of love along with the discipline. Don’t assume the child received this message. Note how the child responds to the discipline and make sure she/he got the message.

Use Appropriate Discipline

Always use appropriate discipline. Although many parents spank their child, this is not recommended because it only has short-term effects. In the long-run it’s very ineffective. It can also ‘teach’ a child to be violent. This is a side-effect you would want to avoid. So use techniques such as: rewarding a child for good behavior or withdrawing things the child really wants, when misbehaving.

Effects in Later Development

The effects of childhood on later development are discussed in my book, Create a Healthy lifestyle: “Secrets” of Health and Happiness. How your parents disciplined you during your own childhood still has an effect on you throughout life. But you may not always be aware of how it affected you. When you are aware of this impact on your own childhood, it will help you to be a loving and effective parent to your own child.