Creating a Healthy Lifestyle

Susan became depressed after her husband told her the truth of his infidelity, and decided to live with the other woman. She says, wiping the tears from her eyes, “Jack had an affair for two years and then decided to leave our two children, ages two and four. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I’ve been depressed when he told me that he’s been having an affair for two years. How can he do this to me and the kids!” She couldn’t talk anymore as the tears began to flow from her eyes, without stopping.

She was looking for support and comfort from me as I handed her a tissue to wipe her tears away. But she still couldn’t stop crying. I reflected her feelings in my own words, as well as giving her emotional support. She felt some comfort and left the session to pick her children at the bus stop.

I continued to see Susan as often as possible in the beginning. She needed to continue to meet the children’s needs and help them through this difficult time. Susan still needed to work through her feelings and cope with the separation. Susan also had to get through her depression, which was affecting her ability to take care of her children.

The Nature of the Depression

There are many causes of depression: Sometimes it occurs from problems in early childhood when the depressed person was abused, even sexually, as a child. There may have been conflict, fighting and arguments in the childhood home. Parents may not have been loving and accepting of the young child. Secure attachment would not have been cultivated in the young child, which continued into adolescence. In other cases, depression can be a problem in the brain of the depressed person, with a deficiency of the neurotransmitter, Serotonin, in the brain. However, this chemistry in the brain can even happen in response to the social environment.

Susan’s Depression

Susan’s depression was not caused by childhood trauma. She had marital problems for some time up to the time when Jack decided to leave her. She was already depressed during the two years of his infidelity. Jack  was never there for her and seldom helped with the children.

Susan wasn’t happy that her husband wasn’t available for her or the children. She couldn’t express her feelings of discontent out-of-fear that Jack would react in anger. But she needed to express her feelings. Keeping it inside made her more depressed. Her depressed thoughts and feelings activated her emotional brain, which stimulated the pituitary gland to permit her adrenal gland to release the stress hormones, cortisol and adrenaline (or epinephrine and norepinephrine). Depression also lowers the level of the neurotransmitter, Serotonin, in the brain. The problem for Susan was the stress caused by her depression, which was chronic and exacerbating her symptoms.

Type of Depression

The type of depression that Susan has is not yet clinical depression, unless it worsens and fits the criteria of the DSM-5 (Diagnosis and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorder). For instance, at least five symptoms are required according to the DSM-5. These symptoms include: low mood, loss of interest, fatigue, sleeplessness, low self-esteem, loss of appetite and agitation. Susan did experience problems with sleep, low self-esteem, and low mood. These symptoms were a direct reaction to Jack’s affair, and him leaving her.

 Susan’s Therapy Experience

One day Susan was thinking about the problem and she decided to come in to see me. I was delighted to meet Susan. She really had a scintillating personality. We shook hands and she expressed gratitude that she wanted to cope with the problem better than she had. After we greeted each other she sat down and talked about all of the problems she had with Jack. Then she talked about her children, Carrie, 2 and Todd, 4. Susan said, “Carrie and Todd were always well behaved but it got worse after I learned about Jack’s affair. I lost interest in them and usually didn’t respond to their needs. Their behavior got worse and I couldn’t handle them anymore. And I got even more depressed. Jack completely ignored me until he left. I was devastated.”

Susan’s greater awareness

As Susan continued to express her thoughts she became more aware of her feelings. She got in touch with her inner self and her resistance to change. She wanted things the way they were. Change was not an option. She hoped that Jack’s affair  would never had happened. Her feelings of being a mother were no longer there.

Susan began to work on her thoughts and feelings. She wrote down her thoughts and feelings through the week. She began to become more aware of how her thoughts controlled her feelings and behavior. These were discussed in session in more depth.

She began to feel more like a loving mother and was pleased with her more positive approach to parenting. Susan agreed to bring her children into several sessions. Some of these sessions involved Play Therapy and Susan became more aware of Carrie and Todd’s feelings through their words and actions in play. She gained more insights into the children’s minds through play. This was a positive change for Susan and her children.

As Susan became more aware of the problem, and became more confident as a parent, she was ready to turn the chapter in her life.