Creating a Healthy Lifestyle

New research reveals that laughter, optimism, and fulfilling relationships increase the chances for a longer and productive life.  A positive attitude about life is a healthy approach and may increase longevity.  Now, there is some evidence that a byproduct of Dopamine, the neurotransmitter that gives one pleasure, may have qualities that may engender longevity in humans.  Dopamine, by itself, gives a person rewards that induces pleasure. Dopamine is also generated when one is on drugs or alcohol, which gives one pleasure, while at the same time harming the body. But this byproduct of Dopamine, a healthy effect on the body, is produced naturally through laughter, optimism, and satisfying, fulfilling relationships. Of course, more research is needed to understand the association between dopamine, happy relationships– and longevity, itself.

However it is comforting to know that you can have a healthier life through the type of relationships that you encourage in your personal life.  I devote two chapters in my book, Create a Healthy Lifestyle, to healthy relationships, and healthy relationships in the family.  I describe the differences in toxic versus healthy relationships, and how to nurture and cultivate healthy connections with others.  So, even if we don’t have all of the evidence on longevity, we know that healthy relationships will improve the quality of your life. It will positively affect health of body, mind, and spirit.

Jeannie and Dave

Jeannie wanted to have a fulfilling relationship in her marriage– and with her friends.  But she was handicapped by her negative experiences in her family of origin. “My dad didn’t show any love to me and he criticised me a lot,” Jeannie said, with tears ‘flooding’ her eyes.

I tried to understand what she was going through, but all I could do was to listen empathically to her feelings.  At this time, this is what she needed: Someone who really understood how she felt.

I encouraged her to have her husband come in a session with her.  I felt it was important that they begin to communicate with each other, while I would try to elicit the feelings or desires that were important to work on.  In two weeks, Jeannie came with Dave to the next session.  He was a reclusive type of guy, not saying much, as he walked reluctantly in the session.  Jeannie hurriedly said, “Dave, you can’t continue to ignore me.  My dad did this all during my childhood, and now you’re doing the same to me!  I can’t bear it anymore!” Again, her eyes were filled with tears, causing a stream to flow down her face.  Jeannie couldn’t bear to look at Dave, as she turned her face away from him.

Dave was dumbfounded. He didn’t know what was going on in her mind, because she never expressed her feelings openly to him–and he never cared to know.  She had kept everything inside for a long time, five years into her marriage.  Dave gazed directly at her and said, somewhat angrily, “I never knew you were unhappy!  I wish you would’ve told me.” He was a man of a few words, as an uneasy silence filled the room.  Then Jeannie turned around and stared into his eyes. “I thought you knew I wasn’t happy!” She tried to hold back her tears as Dave reached out to hug her.  At this moment, there was a turning point in their relationship. Of course this is only the beginning of the work they needed to do to improve their marriage.  But it is the first step!

This couple needed something to jolt them into changing their way of relating to each other. Now they would need to work on constructing a partnership that will be fulfilling and satisfying for both of them.  Jeannie’s past relationships with her father would have to be resolved for her, and Dave’s lack of emotional expression would need to be improved.  But if they can get through this impasse, they will be well on their way to constructing a new positive, healthy narrative for a satisfying partnership.

You may not have the same problems as Dave and Jeannie, but we all can improve our relationships in the family and with others. As you nurture fulfilling relationships your overall health will improve. Longevity may increase, and your quality of live will be enhanced.  Life will be truly worth living!