Creating a Healthy Lifestyle

Stacey says, “When I’m depressed I can’t do anything.  It makes me feel miserable.  I don’t pay attention to my six and ten year old daughters, and I can’t do anything around the house.  When I go to work at the department store, I can’t keep my mind on the job.  I keep feeling incompetent at home and at work.  Problems in my marriage also didn’t help.”

Negative Thoughts and Feelings

Depression occurs when you feel helpless and hopeless.  You feel that everything is going wrong in your life, and you can only ‘see’ these hopeless thoughts in your mind.  Soon, these negative thoughts and feelings take over your everyday life, and there is nothing else in your life.  Eventually these negative thoughts become “automatic” and come to you anytime  during the day, and are pervasive when you are trying to get some sleep. Your length of sleep is shortened, and you can become sleep deprived. The next day, it doesn’t get better and the automatic, negative thoughts continue through the day. Like Stacey, this prevents you from doing the things you want to do during the course of the day.

Changes in the Brain

Depression, of course, can be caused by any type of experiences in your life, such as: the death of a loved one, very low self-worth, accidents, a major crisis, health problems, heartbreak, and marital distress.  These experiences can set off very sad and negative thoughts that don’t easily go away.  They will also result in changes in the brain, such as lowering the neurotransmitter, serotonin–and triggering the hypothalamus to turn on the pituitary gland. Stress homones are produced from the pituitary gland (at the base of the brain)–which stimulate the adrenal glands to produce the stress hormone cortisol.  Thus the proliferating, negative thoughts changes the brain and the chemistry of the body.

Marital Distress

If you have similar problems as Stacey, you are confronted with a lot of issues. But at the core of Stacey’s problem is the relationship. Over the years, Stacey’s connection with her husband, Tom, became increasingly distant.  She felt alone and lonely in the marriage.  Eventually this bothered her incessantly, and negative, automatic thoughts and feelings ran through her mind.  It was so troubling that it affected her relationship with her children, and performance on her job.  She had a lot of sleepless nights, which affected her overall health.

You may have different issues than Stacey, but the effect can be the same: having numerous negative feelings that affect you at home, work, or in the world.

Resolving the Problem

The first step is to resolve the primary problem: In Stacey’s situation she would need to discern whether the problems in the marriage can be resolved. You would need to look at your own life and know what has happened, such as low self-worth, death of a loved one, loneliness, a crisis, health problem, or adversity.  It is helpful to recognize the initial event. After you’ve done this, ‘watch’ the negative thoughts or feelings running through your mind.  ‘Look’ at them separately as they pass through the mind’s ‘eye.’  Learn from them and then ‘let go.’  Do this as a daily mindfulness practice. Then begin to breathe deeply, in and out, until you feel peaceful and relaxed.  Practice this exercise any time during the day.

Sometimes it will be helpful to attend counseling sessions to work through the problem:  Cognitive therapy sessions can help you to change your thoughts to positive or more rational ones. Couple counseling may help you and your partner to resolve issues in the relationship.  Grief counseling may help you through the grieving process. Focusing on the initial event that precipitated the depression can be beneficial.

Mindful Meditation

Finally, you can work on your depressed throught on your own, through focusing and accepting these thoughts– and then letting them flow away.  You can practice breathing exercises.  There are other things you can do: walking meditation; mindfulness on an object in the house, or in nature; being mindful of the chores and tasks you do daily; and just being mindful (or meditate) on your own mind and thoughts–“with acceptance.”

Depression doesn’t have to be a hopeless condition or disorder.  There is a way out of this seemingly fettered situation, and life can have a new meaning for you.  A new beginning is at the other side of the ‘rainbow.’