Melinda feels a lot of stress in her life and it has caused her to be depressed.\u00a0 She says, “I’m upset about a lot of things. I think about my unhappy childhood when I was the ‘black sheep’ in the family.\u00a0 Mom and dad never paid any attention to me, and I felt rejected.\u00a0 This happened during my entire childhood.\u00a0 I never felt good about myself.”<\/p>\n
Today she has problems in her relationships and doesn’t feel confident as a mother to her two teenage daughters.\u00a0 Melinda says, “I try to please Sid, but he doesn’t respond.\u00a0 When he does talk to me, he complains about everything.\u00a0 I don’t know what to say to him, and then he gets angry at me.\u00a0 And my daughters make it even more difficult for me; they don’t respect me and that makes me more depressed.”<\/p>\n
Melinda feels overwhelmed with the problems of the past and present.\u00a0 She feels out-of-control.\u00a0 In the present problems in her relationship, and as a mother, she feels helpless and sees no hope for the future.\u00a0 She withdraws into her depression, which only\u00a0exacerbates the problem.<\/p>\n
Melinda takes antidepressant medication, which\u00a0prevents her from being suicidal.\u00a0 But she still feels hopeless and helpless.\u00a0 She can’t function in her everyday life as a partner and mother.\u00a0 This only reinforces her feelings of hopelessness and helplessness.\u00a0 Her self-esteen is shattered.<\/p>\n
After Melinda began to realize that she wasn’t happy, and she was becoming more miserable every day, she decided to attend some counseling sessions. Melinda said, “It was hard to talk about my feelings for a while, but after I started to talk about it, I felt a great relief. And I was more elated that Sid agreed to come with me for some counseling. For the first time I felt hopeful about the future.” An unexpected smile appeared on her face.<\/p>\n
\u00a0Causes of Melancholy<\/strong><\/p>\n Negative Thoughts<\/strong><\/p>\n Chronic sadness, depression, or major depression can stop you from really living a healthy and fulfilled life. If you are in a situation, like Melinda, or just feeling sad or depressed a lot, you need to get back to understanding what is causing your melancholy. It is important to ‘look’ at your negative thoughts that keep entering your mind automatically.\u00a0 As these thoughts unrelentingly come into your\u00a0mind,\u00a0you\u00a0will\u00a0feel more depressed.\u00a0\u00a0They will begin to put yourself down, and make you feel the people around you feel the same way about you.\u00a0 You become more depressed and the depression escalates.<\/p>\n It is important, therefore, that you take control over your thoughts, not by resisting them but letting them go on their own. You can do this more easily through the practice of mindfulness. View your thoughts, one at a time, as they pass through your mind. Focus with attention on each thought as they pass through your mind. Imagine each thought is a leaf floating down the stream, and eventually fading away. Do this for at least five to ten minutes when you begin to feel depressed. Close your eyes during the exercise; then breathe for a while as you slowly open your eyes.<\/p>\n Support of Partner or Spouse<\/strong><\/p>\n It helps if you have the support of your spouse or partner.\u00a0 A supportive partner, who is empathetic and understanding, will not take away the depression– but he or she can motivate you to do something about your depression.\u00a0\u00a0And if\u00a0your partner is willing to come to counseling with you (like Melinda’s husband)\u00a0it will help you and him to work\u00a0toward\u00a0a more supportive and loving relationship.\u00a0 Clear communication and acceptance of the other is vital to come to the best solution.<\/p>\n Shared Parenting<\/strong><\/p>\n If you have problems with your children, you and the other parent can work on issues related to parenting and appropriate discipline for the children.\u00a0 This may be difficult, but if you are consistent you will get better results.\u00a0 And the depressed partner will feel more confident in the parenting role.<\/p>\n